Tag: satire

Ay, Babay! Miss Shealta is at it AGAIN!

DISCLAIMER: The opinions within this article are soley the views of Shealita Babay and do not represent the opinions of GaySocialites.com, Charles Winters Information Management or likely anyone else alive. Should you take offense to items within please send all hate mail to shealita@gaysocialites.com and/ or leave comments to the right of the story.

 

Thank you ALL so much for such an amazing response to last week’s advice column!! I wouldn’t have been able to do it without Jesus nor myself. It warms my heart and tickles my belly to think that people actually look forward to having me give them advice on life. Stupid Fools.

 

Ay Babay,

So I have an ex who broke up with me 4 years ago and has been in other relationships since. We don’t hang out or talk but we manage to bump into each other every so often and when we do, I can’t but feel like there is a spark still there. We talk and make plans, but he always flakes out. I recently bumped into him again and this time was a bit different, because he asked if he could kiss me. I said yes because I wanted too as well. That was the most physical contact we had in years. We exchanged numbers and once again he said he would hit me up. It’s been almost a month and I haven’t heard anything. What’s a boy to do?

Guy Salazar

 

Dear Door-Mat,

So what you’re telling me is that you have been holding onto a man that has repeatedly ditched, flaked, and ignored you, and you want to know what you should do?! Well dear, the only thing I can tell you is that you need to either Get a Clue, or sit by the phone. Or you can stop this foolishness and stop convincing yourself that you can find love with a MAN, it’s Un-natural and disgusting! How Dare You waste my precious time with such garbage!

Stupid clingy bottom,

Shealita.
Get more…

Desperate plea for Zuccotti Park protester's lost 11 incher

When police evicted the Occupy Wall Street’ers from Zuccotti Park early Tuesday, many protesters didn’t take the NYPD seriously and were forced from the park. Most of them were arrested so they lost their make-shift tents, bongs and other valuables in the park. One man, however, lost something he holds near, dear and sometimes inside him.

This former Zuccotti Park occupier needs your help. He posted the ad below on craigslist in a desperate plea to retrieve his 11′ black dildo back.

It’s all fun and games until someone looses their vibrator.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that all of the items collected during Tuesday morning’s raid are available at the sanitation department. If this man’s big black dildo is in the mix, like everyone else; he will be required to go to the building where the city is housing the garbage trucks used to remove the items left in the park and dumpster dive for it.

If he does find his 11″ adult toy, appropriately endorsed by a porn star, the procedure is that he must put claim on it and hope no one else does the same. If two people try to put their prints on the big black dildo, they will both be asked to show some sort of proof of ownership… (I can only start to imagine how that might possibly end up). Should two people step up call dibs on the dildo, they could end up in arbitration letting the courts decide who is the rightful owner.

If you happen to have any information on this man’s lost item, you can contact him using the craigslist e-mail above.

Whether you agree with the Occupy Wall Street protest or not, we encourage you to help. No one, and I mean no one, should be deprived of their sex toys no matter how careless they were with it.

Hey, Babay! Miss Shealita Answers ALL Your Questions!

DISCLAIMER: The opinions within this article are soley the views of Shealita Babay and do not represent the opinions of GaySocialites.com, Charles Winters Information Management or likely anyone else alive. Should you take offense to items within please send all hate mail to shealita@gaysocialites.com and/ or leave comments to the right of the story.

 

Oh, my Wonderful little Christ Crusaders!! I hope you all had a very splendid and an uplifting Halloween celebration, mine wasn’t so great. I was going to be Beyoncé, but I couldn’t find a Fake Pregnant belly bump that folded in when I sat down. But it’s so good to be back with you once again. I have missed you so much!  I have been away for some time but falling in and out of rehabilitation and correctional facilities will do that. I have been so antsy pantsy to get back here to help and advise you poor, misguided, confused Godless Homosexual people; with the best advice that a loving and caring White Supremist and Bigoted Christian Woman can give. And if you don’t like my views or my advice, well then you can take it to someone who cares, because in the end you’re still going to hell, and I’m a Lovely White Woman.

 

Hey, Babay!

My fiancé just had an abortion and I’m Pro-Life. How soon is too soon to dump her?
John Thomas Finn

 

Dear Weak Minded Fool,

I am deeply troubled to read that you have allowed her to breathe another gasp of air after finding out that she has murdered your child. Have you lost your way as a man? Where are your balls sir!? I suggest you march right back into that house, grab the nearest baseball bat, and you do the Great Lord’s work! Send that unwashed, impure, tainted, troubled soul back into the Arms of Jesus so that he may have pity on her! Once you are done, dump the body on a Muslim family’s front lawn, that way we can alert the media that a Muslim man murdered your poor fiancé. This country is for Jesus!

Warm Blessings,
Shealita.

 

Hey, Babay!

Is there any hope in a relationship where the age difference is 22 years? Like how does a 19 year old bring home someone who is just 5 years younger than his mother?
Jean Yves.

 

Dear Daddy Loving Power Bottom,

I think you got some God Damn nerve to not only spit in your mothers face for being a vile sodomite Queer, but you have the audacity to take a load from an OLD MAN!? What is wrong you, you nasty people?! Do you think its normal for someone of your age to be dating someone in such an advanced stage of their life? And that goes for the Old Man that is picking up children like a hungry pedophile! Nasty Sodomites will burn in the hottest part in Hell that is reserved for them, Right next to the Jews for their Act in the Execution of White Jesus. What you need to do is use your knees for praying and not swallowing Babies by the gulp! You need the Lord’s Forgiveness. If you really like older guys then the only Middle aged man that should be deep inside you and in your life happens to be a handsome Jew Carpenter, and his name is Jesus Christ. Let Him in!

Amen,
Shealita.

 

Hey, Babay!

How do I break the news to my very Christian parents that I’m going to become a boy soon?
Mac Milan

 

Dear Lost Soul,

Well first off I hope you understand that what you are thinking of doing is an ABOMINATION! It’s a spit in the face of the Baby Jesus, and questioning Gods Divine Method! Instead of thinking of different ways to break the news to them that their little darling is about to become a Frankenstein Monster Transsexual Boy, how about you think about how this is going to break their hearts! What you need to do is suppress and ignore these urges/feelings/emotions because they are nothing more than Satan whispering in your ear and convincing you of such atrocities. The best plan to go forward is to focus on pleasing your parents rather than yourself, as the Bible says, Honor thy father and mother, and make sure they are happy, cause that’s all that matters, is their happiness. We all know to be a Good Person, one must accept Jesus into his heart and be a good Christian, and to be a Good Christian we must void out any thoughts or ideas that make us “different” from the rest of the Flock.  We are the Sheep, Jesus is the Shepard. You wouldn’t want to be a scared lost little lamb, would you? I didn’t think so.

Go with Christ’s Love,
Shealita

 

Hey, Babay!

Is it wrong to stalk my sexy stepson on Facebook? And also is it wrong to have sexual thoughts about him?
John Farley.

 

Dear Pervert Fuck,

I think you and your kind should be rounded up and shot in a field. How dare YOU ask ME such a disgusting question! It’s pedophile bastards like yourself that have infiltrated our Church System and tried to take us down! But we aren’t a frail 9 year old who can’t put up a fight and lays there crying, waiting for it to be over as he wonders what kind of God would allow his Holy men to do this to him. We will stand up to you and the demons that scour this land. I have also contacted the Local Authorities, and they should be there any minute to raid your child porn riddled computer. I hope they rape you to death in prison.

The Lord works in Mysterious ways,
Shealita

 

Heya, Babay!

I’ve been to the Free Clinic and they keep telling me that I’m negative and free of STDs. Do you think that they are lying and just laughing at me when I leave, hoping I die?
Isis Vermouth

 

Dear Tacky Dumb Bitch,

I don’t understand how dumb you can be. At first it was cute, but now it’s getting sad and frequent. That “clinic” you go to is just my spare room you stumble into when you’re high on drugs. I sit there at my writing desk with a fake beard on, have you show me your asshole, piss in a cup and tell you that you are fine and clean. But in reality you are as positive as an optimistic person look on life. I’m surprised you have made it this long, but then again, it is Christmas soon and I have been praying extra hard to Jesus to send you back to Hell. See you at our next appointment, Saturday night at 4am. Dumb Cunt.

Fuck off and die already,
Shealita

 

DISCLAIMER: The opinions within this article are soley the views of Shealita Babay and do not represent the opinions of GaySocialites.com, Charles Winters Information Management or likely anyone else alive. Should you take offense to items within please send all hate mail to shealita@gaysocialites.com and/ or leave comments to the right of the story.


Reality TV is Nothing but Satan Scripted Shows!

DISCLAIMER: The opinions within this article are soley the views of Shealita Babay and do not represent the opinions of GaySocialites.com, Charles Winters Information Management or likely anyone else alive. Should you take offense to items within please send all hate mail to shealita@gaysocialites.com and/ or leave comments to the right of the story.

 

My Friends and Fellow Christians, we live in a nasty sin filled time, and we as a collective must stand up and say “No More!” This is a nation where the homosexual runs free to do whatever they please while no one protects the child. Men turning into women and Women turning into Men! The obscenities and vulgarity that is spewed into our mainstream media makes me vomit profusely. You look at the Television light Box and you will see nothing but the lowest and foulest creatures from Hell telling your Kids it’s okay to be this way because they were “Born This Way.” No Thanks, Ms. Germ. Our core values in this country have gone astray and saddled up right by the side of Dark Lord Satan!

The biggest liberal propaganda spewer is Reality TV, which I have a problem with because I do not find it to be Reality nor is it TV. For me watching Reality TV is awkward and uncomfortable. These people that they have portraying their “real lives” are nothing more than sick, pathetic, delusional scum suckers! Even if this is really how these people are in their daily lives, why do we honor them, watch them, idolize them? These are the same people that we cut out of our family that are backstabbers, liars, cheaters, and scumbags. There are three shows in particular that rile me up because they are just so mind numbingly retarded. These despicable shows are Basketball Wives, The Kardashians, and The A List. Frankly I don’t care if they have millions of views or a huge fan base. You don’t have to be good/talented/interesting to have a lot of people to like you, just look at Katy Perry.

Basketball Wives is a particularly predictable and rather pointless time slot on the air. This show is about the women that are married, or were once married to basketball players. Right off the bat, who gives a fuck? But I will trudge forward through this horseshit sandwich.  I was watching this horrendous show the other night and I was baffled on why people take the time out of their day to watch this garbage, how can someone get excited to see this? Throughout the whole episode all I saw was women who are irrelevant getting into fights, mind you these are Grown Adults! These “women” are carrying on like children, dressed like afternoon shift Strippers, and are rough looking. There was one particular woman that stood out and her name was Jackie. This middle aged woman is married to some basketball player who I do not know or not care to find out, and she carries out like a snake while she backstabs and lies to everyone. Mind you, this is supposed to be “Reality TV”, and if this is reality, this woman is a sick despicable woman, so why put her on TV? This type of bullshit upsets me because you have children watching this shit. These types of people should not be endorsed or promoted, because then you have the youth seeing this and thinking that it’s okay because “Jackie is a bad ass bitch.” No she’s just a dumb Cunt, who would have nothing and be nothing if she weren’t married to some overpaid basketball player.

The A-List,  this show is a Complete and ACCURATE depiction of every homosexual in America, and across the world, even the skinny ones in Africa that have flies on them as accessories. There is nothing of value to this show because it’s loosely based off of “The Housewives” shit series, and it’s filled with queeny drama and very loud flamboyant bottoms. This show proves that there are no average normal homosexual, every one of them is filled to the brim with pathetic and over the top drama over the smallest things, which is why you see so many faint when they hear the word, “vagina.” They are just Nasty Disgusting Godless Demons.  I’m just glad they are tackling the real issues involving their “community of sock suckers” such as dating/hooking up, sales on shoes, drinking/clubbing. Lord knows that we wouldn’t want to shed some light on their problems of HIV/AIDs, STDS, Societies continued “injustice” of them and their chosen lifestyles, not being able to Wed or adopt children. Though honestly, I’m glad they can’t adopt children, we all know what those “parents” do to those poor defenseless children, they brain wash them and turn them gay. I know this must be true because my Pastor told me on Sunday.

Oh the Kardashians, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more undeserving group of famous attention seekers. It’s just funny to me that this family is even relevant. I’m curious on why they are famous and held up to such a high standard buy the Retarded States of America? The reason why anyone knows Kim is because Brandy’s Brother Ray J fucked her in a homemade movie. That’s it, that’s what you built your empire on? You built being famous on your little girl taking a dick from a “celeb,” which I use that term very generously in regards to Ray J. We gave a Whore a TV show, and treat her like a princess, why? She isn’t talented, isn’t interesting, she’s a dumb, vapid, boring bitch that can take a dick. That’s Fantastic. Let’s throw an EMMY at her because of her groundbreaking life, bitch please. The only one in that family that I have some respect for was Bruce Jenner, only because he won Olympic gold. That poor guy just looks like he’s uncomfortable every time he’s on camera.  Everyone else in that family would break a Down Syndrome toddlers neck on TV if they thought that it would garner some high ratings. Everything that Kim/Khloe/Kris do is calculated and fake, and people buy into it and eat the pile of shit that is served to them. You actually have people feeling bad for Kim because she got divorced? Why? It was 72 days of planned actions, they waited till the right moment to get a divorce, and she was wearing an old ring that she stated that Kris Humphries bought for her, which in reality was given to her a long time ago. You could tell that this was a publicity stunt when she started tweeting her doubts to her fans on twitter, like bitch no one that is serious about something like getting married would do something like what you did. Then you had Kim’s mom doing the unnecessary media tour to every news/media show, to let us rest assured that Kim is doing okay. Who cares, and why are you on Tour talking about this?  People like her need to realize that they are not News Worthy and are not that serious. They only exist because dumb people need to have keys dangled in their face for amusement. It was obviously a publicity stunt that went too Far and clearly had a fucking huge payout for them, and they say they didn’t receive a dime for the wedding, shady Cunt. Then again if you don’t think anyone can do shit that stupid for a little bit of Attention, then I direct you to Google Beyonce and her fake Pregnancy Belly, and if it’s not fake, then she should explain why her pregnant belly was the only one to fold in the middle as she sat down. But I digress about that crazy bitch.

In closing, before I put my fist through the computer in rage, Reality TV is nothing but shit and tries to come off as Champagne. It always has been shit and will continue to be shit unless we, the viewers, turn the channel and watch something better, or dare I say…READ A BOOK (preferably the Bible), go outside, go to church and praise White Jesus, go spend time with your friends and I don’t mean on FACEBOOK!  Its TV shows like these that keeps pumping the Youths minds that they need to be a whore to become famous , for example “16 and Pregnant”. We need to teach the Youth that they are better than the scum that litters our streets and alleyways. When did we allow our youth to think and believe that it’s okay to reach for the very last ring on the ladder and settle? Why do people shoot for the middle or close to the bottom of the barrel in life and convince themselves that they are happy? Our Youth Deserve a much better sense of Empowerment and Entertainment in this fine country. I, for one, am sick of shit of what TMZ, Entertainment Tonight and every other “news” program try to cram down our throats and telling us what to Watch and who to Idolize. Well I will tell you who we should praise and Idolize, and his name is Jesus Christ. To end this Awful reign of Reality TV I suggest we give The Lord a Sacrifice, and that Sacrifice should be Snookie. Burn her at the Stake!

 

DISCLAIMER: The opinions within this article are soley the views of Shealita Babay and do not represent the opinions of GaySocialites.com, Charles Winters Information Management or likely anyone else alive. Should you take offense to items within please send all hate mail to shealita@gaysocialites.com and/ or leave comments to the right of the story.

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