While visiting a friend recently at Barneys on Madison Ave, I couldn’t help but take a quick peek at their new 5th Floor Shoe Department. How couldn’t I as the windows outside are plastered in large signs declaring I had to “find the perfect pair” of new shoes. Sure, I don’t have $600 to blow in this economy on a delicious set of brand spankin’ new designer leather loafers but window shopping is normally what I do best.

For starters, the new department is given a nice welcoming feel with light wood walls with tons of glass to make sure your eyes catch everything; from what’s in front of you to “Oh, shit. What’s that in the corner?” Cruising the dozens and dozens of high-end designers, three caught my eye for better or worse. Here they are…

Jimmy Choo

The Sloane is one hell of an eye catcher as it screams subtle yet sparkles like a son of a bitch. I’m attracted to shiny objects like an infant so what can I say? Its materials are listed as coarse glitter with leather sole. “Gimme!”

Alexander McQueen

McQueen’s embroidered skull loafer is a true favorite of mine and I kept coming back to it as I insanely pondered whether I should pay the rent or buy these and live on the street. Well, if I did fall for it at least I’d be fashionable while walking the streets. Care to join me for a martini on my park bench-bed?

Prada

By now anyone who knows anything about me can tell you I’m a tacky bitch most of the time but for the life of me I don’t think I could ever stand wearing a pair of these odd looking leather numbers by Prada for the Fall 2012 season. I couldn’t even find a proper picture to display just how strange the sole looks. It jets out obnoxiously thick on the sides and is definitely a “look but not a look I would do.”