Tag: European Men

I'M JUST SAYING! Kenyatta Kahn on Dating Culture

Have you ever felt tired of dealing with the drama of relationships? Are you sick of looking for them, waiting for them, meeting people who say they want one when they really don’t?  This is why people, in general, are becoming insane and dependent on mood stabilizers.  We spend way too much time focusing on attracting our alleged soul mate that we throw all rules out the window, usually with our dignity and self-appreciation attached. We’re taught that everyone has a soul mate, but what we’re not taught is that he/she/it is in hiding and we’ll never know who this person is because there are too many ridiculous options.  Welcome to NYC, where dating is a fiasco. We are all in a constant state of competition and rush.  I mean, not only do we have to find that one person who not only wants to have sex with JUST YOU, but they also have to be able to hold a decent conversation AND  d someone whom your friends can stand to be around yet don’t want to sleep with.  Add on top of it that everyday someone else is realizing their “true” sexual orientation and it makes it even harder.  We all know if our friends dislike our partner it’s not going to work out. It seem nearly impossible to find someone suitable.  Wouldn’t it be easier if we had matching birthmarks or some sort of sign that tells us who we’re meant to be with? I’m just saying!

This is why I’ve come to the decision to only date foreign men, preferably European. This decision is based on my hypothesis (and, actually, proven fact in my experience) that European men treat their women exceptionally better than American men.  (Besides, I also like learning new cultures.)  I find among Americans there is a mutual acceptance of ignorance in their relationships, and this is based mostly on observation.  I’ve realized through (and here’s where the southern Blanche Devereaux voice comes into play) my many, many, many encounters with men that Americans just want to have sex, and if they really have—not want—to marry, they will. It is very rare that one comes across an American couple who married because they truly loved one another. I mean, seriously, is this the ‘50s?! No, no, no, no, no!   Nowadays, most American couples are usually married because of a reason outside of love– pregnancy, financial and social status, fame or just plain timing–and then grow to love one another.  At least this is what I myself have encountered in the heterosexual dating world.  Just saying!

European men tend to treat their women and relationships quite differently. First off, their approach is smoother. They actually spend time getting to know their lover with no rush into sex.  American men are the polar opposite, basing their relationships purely on sex and looks.  European men base them on the person.  The first encounter with these Euro men is usually disturbing given our past experiences, so we usually don’t know how to take them.  Isn’t it sad that we aren’t used to being treated like ladies?  They have a slicker demeanor, so they come across with just the right amount of everything:  machismo, kindness, listening and focusing on you to the point where you have no choice but to give them a chance.   So, you do!

Although European men want the same thing in the long run (after all, men are men), it feels good knowing that there are guys out there who seem as if they are paying attention and the idea of old charmers and a true romantic gentleman is still in play.  Mr. Impossible becomes, well, possible.   It’s only because after being heavily sought after by smooth talkers who aren’t anything like the aforementioned but give the appearance of so, it fuels our competition within one another. And that turns us into either a pessimistic dating recluse or an overindulgent loveaholic.  So when other people see that we are/have been in a good, healthy relationship, they say they’re happy for us—and some are–but for others they’re counting down the days for the breakup and their chance at having some of the happiness they jealously sought after in ours. We shouldn’t be angry with them though, because we all want to be happy. Just because a relationship didn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for them. I must also say that this understanding of said relationships does depend on timelines and how solid the friendships are for everyone involved. I’m just saying.

Finding a good relationship in NYC is one of the loftiest goals anyone living here can hope to achieve. You’d almost have better luck finding a rent-stabilized apartment on Central Park South.  So I guess while we wait for Mr. or Miss Impossible, we keep dating people who have basically given up on love and are now focused on destroying our hopes and dreams of finding it. Although, secretly, they are hoping we can change them by showing them how to love again. But we find them playing with our heart, mind and body to the point where we’re not sure if it was actual love with this person, or even if we know what love is. So we reexamine our position on soul mates and date someone that we know isn’t worth our time because we feel it’s better than being alone. Trust me I’ve certainly been there and definitely done that… a lot! What? I hate being single. Stop rolling those eyes and judging me!  I know that I’ll never ever give up on love and hopefully my Mr. Impossible hasn’t either.   I’m just saying!

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