[Editor's Note: Brendon O'Rourke is the GaySocialites.com Substance Abuse Specialist. Each of his columns, like the one below, features editorial content from Brendon as well as a excerpt from a journal he kept while in his active drug addiction. Check it out below, and feel free to contact Brendon with comments and to find out how you can get treatment for your substance abuse problem. Make sure you come back every Thursday for Brendon's latest column! Please visit Queer Planet over the weekend where Brendon will be posting a video discussing this weeks column and answering questions from readers. You can email questions to email@example.com]
The following entry was written shortly after I began using crystal meth again. Since meth is fairly expensive drug and my boyfriend and I at the time had very little money we began posting ads on the men seeking men portion of Craigslist. For those of you who aren’t aware, the men seeking men section of Craigslist is definitely not the place for guys seeking a date or relationship. This portion of Craigslist is typically dedicated for men who are looking for sexual encounters. Erik and I began posting on Craigslist several times a day seeking out guys who wanted to hook up and “party.” The terms Partying or PNP (party and play) are typical online phrases used by guys who are looking to have sex and use crystal meth. During this period of time, Craigslist became our main resource for finding guys who were looking to hookup, had drugs, and were willing to share.
July 12, 2008
So we put an ad up on Craigslist looking for guys that wanted to party. We ended up getting a response from an old friend of Erik’s named Kenny. Erik suggested that we go visit him and that it would be worth our time. Kenny lives in like the Mexican ghetto. I thought it was pretty sketchy down there but I guess the people seemed pretty harmless.
Kenny is apparently some sort of big time drug dealer or something. Him and Erik talked for awhile and then Erik asked him if he had any tweak. Kenny came back in with a bunch of tina and needles. Erik told him that I didn’t slam and asked him if he had a pipe for me. Kenny said it was good that I don’t slam and nothing good comes from it. He said he won’t shoot up someone who has never done it before and that once you go down that road there is no going back. Thought that was a little morbid.
Kenny didn’t have a pipe so I ended up just having to swallow it. Took awhile for it to kick in but once it did, wow were those some good ass drugs. I was expecting we were gonna have sex with Lee but that didn’t happen as he just stayed around and continued talking with Erik. I don’t understand why we would get high and not have sex. Seems like a waste of a good high to me.
During my addiction, crystal meth and sex went hand in hand for me. Every time I got high I wanted sex. I could not comprehend getting high and just sitting down and having a conversation with somebody. Erik on the other hand could get high, sit and talk with someone, play video games, pull apart a computer, or a multitude of other things that didn’t necessarily involve sex. When I got sober I had to learn how to separate sex and meth as I was no longer getting high. Learning how to enjoy sober sex was a challenge at first and I stumbled a few times. Since being sober I have seen many people relapse over issues surrounding sex. It can be very difficult for newly sober individuals to get used to the idea of having sex without the use of drugs or alcohol. Luckily for me I was eventually able to achieve a healthy enjoyable sex life without all the consequences and misery that come with drug use.