It may seem as if lately I’ve been out of sorts—and quite frankly I have–but it’s only due to my own frustration. I’ve been so frustrated by this world, our world, my world that I didn’t know how to properly channel it. So if I have offended some I do apologize. It’s been a whole season of me having female problems. What? I’m just saying…

I’ve been so frustrated that sometimes the people I encounter are not what I expect or want them to be. I have to continually remind myself they are just another person in this cruel world who is trying to maintain whatever they can. The problem lies in the harsh fact that although they are just people, they are also human and we all make mistakes. It takes a wise person to learn from these people and, taking what they learn, grow into a better person themselves. Hmmm… a better person. That also makes me think and wonder if people actually want to be better. Of course they say they do, but if you continue to do the same things and receive the same results (typically negative results) what does that say? I’m sorry to have to say this but I know that we can all be a little pompous at time. We do sometimes believe that we may be better than others, but the truth is that no matter how much you may have (friends, money, clothes, religion, family, etc.) you will still suffer. We all suffer and that is what binds us all together. For me, at least, life can sometimes seem unfair and downright confusing. I just do not comprehend some of the things I’ve witnessed, but I hope to in the future. I just don’t understand how some people can be so cold and manipulative–living lives of pretense and shaming anyone who is willing to challenge it. I don’t get how or why certain people are the way that they are. I understand life gives us challenges but it’s up to us to at least attempt to recognize them and make a choice that will provide multiple rewards in multiple areas of our lives. Right?

My life is far from where some, maybe most, people believe it should be and I halfheartedly thank them for their belief in me. I find that to live this life is to be quite lonesome. As each day passes I see myself losing faith and trust in everyone and the mere thought that I will be left alone, with no one to tell my secrets and no one to truly understand how that mere thought frightens me into depression. Don’t misunderstand that at times it’s difficult for us to truly assess situations for what they truly are but we should try to store them away for a later date and remember that not everything is how it looks. I’ve always been a smiling happy-go-lucky person but it’s our inner demons, fears and thoughts that enables our reactions to people, situations, the world. To recognize and overcome them is where our true strength lies and to appreciate the ones who see us in our true light and appreciate us is one of our greatest blessings. Yet most don’t, or refuse, to acknowledge the fact that there could be someone genuine in this world. We’ve surrounded ourselves with people who are so busy trying to be on top that we essentially step on those who are there genuinely in our court. Life can be difficult but must it also be lonely? I’m just saying…

I want to make it clear that yes, life gives us lemons and we should be making lemonade with them, but they never tell you about the bugs and riff raff that comes with those damn lemons. Or the fact that once you have your lemonade it turns out you just happened to run out of sugar and your neighbor is so stingy that they won’t even give you a lump to get you by. Or that once you get nice and comfortable there will be someone begging you for a sip of that lemonade, because in the long run we all are thirsty for something and if we only take a little bit of time out of our lives to take notice of or surroundings, I’m pretty confident it’ll make us truly appreciate the handwork we’ve endured. I’m pretty confident as well to conclude that I’ve confused the hell out of you but hey, I’m Southern and sometimes we like to talk in riddles. A big shout out to all my friends and even those I may not know as well but who know me. I truly love you guys and that is all that I need to say.

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Written by Kenyatta Khan

Kenyatta Khan is a nightlife personality and columnist for GaySocialites.com.