I’m not sure about you all but my life has become so devastatingly trying on my nerves that most times I sit at home confused and depressed. Lately things seem to have become difficult and it’s almost as if I’ve been cursed. I can picture it now, some deadlocked voodoo queen performing a dark ceremony over a picture that was given to her from a stalker/enemy that found my picture in a magazine somewhere. Yep! That sounds about right. Hmm… if only the bitches I knew were witches! Damn that “B”! I’m just saying.
So let me clue you all in on how much my life has sucked and how the person who cursed me should be immediately stoned, set on fire, then drowned and buried upside down with their feet and hands tied behind their back, with their mouth sewed shut and a bag covering their head AND in all the worse knockoffs of this century! Yeah, I’m just that pissed!
First, I was “suspended” from Redwood Kitchenette and Bar at the beginning of the summer because the new manager wanted to “get rid of the strong people” so he could be taken seriously. Yeah, well that worked out great! So he asks me to come back a few weeks ago to work the door for this party they were starting. I agreed, only to come to work and find just about everyone wasted and with no directions as to what I should truly be doing. The party was fun though, although it could’ve had a better music, and a better sound system. I returned to work that Saturday only to find that the man who suspended me was quitting (getting fired?) and would be leaving soon. It only occurred to me that apparently the business needed some sprucing up and was declining in customers since I’ve been gone. I’m sure some of you read my blasts about how good the food and drinks were on Facebook or Twitter, promoting the shit out of it and getting results! Sunday I was informed he wouldn’t be back period. Then Tuesday comes around and what do I see blinking on my phone–an email from the owner saying the restaurant was closing for good. I tell you, if it’s not one thing it’s another, but I know that surely something will give and that I have people to always remind me to keep my head up and never give in.
Doesn’t it just work your nerve sometimes when people say “Aw, don’t worry about it! It’ll get better!”? I know it works mine. I’m the type of woman that doesn’t handle stress very well at all. I’m not sure if any of you know this about me but I have a history of depression. There are plenty of reasons behind it, but I’m not getting into them. Just realize that when the lady is stressed it feels as if the entire world is conspiring against me and I tend to behave irrationally and become distant towards everyone. I kinda shut down until I feel that it’s safe for me to return to my former self. I hate those periods, those times when I begin to despise everyone and want it all to end. Seriously, I begin to think that I shouldn’t be nice or accommodating to people and that if I were to behave like everyone else, whereas it would be all about me, then I’d get so much further in my life. I hate thinking that way because, if I did, I’d be losing a major part of who I am. I’d lose myself and I’ve fought way too damn hard to find me and what makes me a little happy. The times when my rent is past due, my cell phone is about to be turned off, I can barely afford to eat, let alone do my hair, my makeup is on its last drops and there is no one to talk to about any of it. I know that it’s all temporary. I’m just saying that even when it seems like the world is crashing all around you, know that if you were to quit–to just give up–not only would you be giving up on yourself but also on the people that love you. Even when or if they don’t say it. I’m just saying…
