My transition back to my former life as a gay playboy hasn’t been as simple as the fictious story on April Fool’s Day made it seem. Since Anthony went to jail, I haven’t found God. Frankly, for all I know religion is a bunch of bullshit. I can’t imagine that there really is a higher power with the ability to wiggle his or her nose making things happen. It sounds a little too much like “I Dream of Jeanie” to be believable.
When you’ve been dealt the hand I carry around daily, its hard to believe that a higher power is looking over me. If they, then this higher power is one sick fucker! Then again, the higher power might be punishing me for my actions in the past.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sure I would trade my life for anything. However, I’m lucky I’m alive with my upbringing. I’m certainly shocked I’m not more revengeful.
I do get my fair share of revenge on people. I like to think I’m helping karma. No, my name is not Earl or anything; but I do like to pay a bitch back when given the chance.
If you’ve never seen the sitcom called “My Name is Earl”, the premise was simple. Earl grew up being bad, and when he won the lottery decided to make a list of everyone he had wrong with the intent of fixing his past mistakes. Sometimes, however, Earl learned that he needed to help karma a little by weeding out evil doers.
I recently had the chance to do just that. A few months ago, I was hanging with a new friend of mine when we decided to find a hot dude with drugs willing to smoke us up. Sometimes I do that just to impress people with how quickly I can find a guy online. It worked like a charm this time, but I probably jumped the gun this time. The guy we were meeting was not that cute, and he didn’t seem too impressed with me either based on the way he was acting as messaged back-and-forth.
When we arrived, we all did a nice big hit. While my friend was in the bathroom he told me my friend wasn’t hot enough and asked me to ditch him. Instead I stripped my friend down and rolled all over him like a hooker at the Hustler club. I left him stick his dick in every hole in my body just to make the host jealous. Then, while I slipped off to the bathroom, he had the nerve to convince my friend to leave. As you can probably imagine, I was furious and left as soon as I realized what he had done.
But it didn’t end there… About a week later, I was online and the same guy started messaging me on Manhunt. We ended up gabbing about his fantasy to get fucked anonymously. He said he would be “ass up on the bed and blindfolded”. He asked me to come in, fuck him and go. All throughout the conversation, he was so pretentious. He kept telling me how hot he thinks he is and how is “fed up” with ugly guys who have the nerve to message him.
Suddenly, I had an amazing idea. I decided that I would put a little icing on the revenge cake to pay him back for the way he treated my friend. So, I went over to craigslist and regurgitated his fantasy as if it were my own until I found the nastiest looking dude I could find. I also added a twist, and I told the nasty guy I had picked that a part of the fantasy was for my roommate to come in and take photos. After a little bit of stressful coordinating, I had him unlock his door and blindfold up. Then I told the nasty dude to come on up. Shortly after, I made my way in the room to snap a few pictures with my Blackberry. I stood in front of the building until I saw the nasty dude leave and sent Mr. Prentious a scathing text asking how dare he invite me over for me to find an nasty homeless-looking guy riding his ass. I attached the picture and ignored his calls as they started flooding in. A few hours later, he sent a text saying he wasn’t sure how it happened adding that he wondered why I smelled so badly only to find out it wasn’t me.
I wrote back a simple statement, “I know how it happened. You just got bitten in the ass by the karma bug.”
Ok, so maybe my name is a little more “Earl” than I originally thought. I’m even thinking about making a list!