Let’s not bother with why he did it, or how much you didn’t deserve it. Let’s put aside your feelings for a second, and all the countless times you’ll be revisiting the moment he told you “we’re through,” as well as the many, many happy and complex moments you shared before.
What’s important is: you’ve been dumped.
What do you do now? Well, in my opinion, there are a few ways to go about this. Please note: all of these suggestions assume that he is legitimately through with you. If you truly, truly believe that he’s going to come back, then godspeed. Go back and get that guy!
For the rest of you, or those of you who felt the way I described in the last paragraph, chased him, got shot down, and came back to this blog… here we go:
1. Cut Him Off.
This is of course the cleanest way to go about a post-breakup situation. He is dead to you. Unfriend him on Facebook. Delete his phone number. Set everything he ever got you aflame. Cut off his friends who weren’t your friends. Beg your friends who weren’t his friends to cut him off similarly.
While this is the cleanest option, it’s also the most difficult to pull off, in my opinion. You will find yourself going back on your decision. Or you’ll find him going crazy and trying to get you back to talk to.
Or, maybe, you’re one of the few people who can cut him loose like a hangnail and move on. If so, congrats! You’re a better man than I.
2. Push Him To the Limit.
Oh shit. You did that stupid “Let’s totes be friends!” thang. You idiot. You stupid fucking moron. I’ve done this no less than ten times in my dating career.
Okay. So now you’re stuck occasionally texting him. Sometimes calling him. Working out with him from time-to-time. And you’re all smiles and howdy-dos… until he leaves and you explode in tears and beat your pillows like they’re oncoming attackers.
Well, fine. It’s time to push him to the limit. Chances are, every time you get a fresh dose of searing love-pain, you pull back from him. You delete him on Facebook, only to add him again. You delete his phone number, but have it written down on a card somewhere. You find ways to crash into him when you’re out.
Go ahead and keep this tomfoolery up. You can’t cut him off, and so now it’s his job to do the cutting. I assure you, soon enough, he won’t be able to deal with your flip-flopping flim-flammery. He’ll cut you off, you’ll experience the heartbreak you’ve been avoiding, and life will go on.
3. Engage Your Kill Switch.
Inside each of us, there is a time- and pain-sensitive Kill Switch. For each of us, that period of time, and that threshold of pain is different. But the outcome is the same: when you reach a certain consecutive period of god-awful heartbreak, the switch will throw, and you’ll… suddenly… feel… nothing.
I know, because it’s happened to me many times. One day you’ll roll out of bed, having not slept more than five minutes the night previous. You’ll go to the bathroom and jump in the shower. You’ll step out and… find yourself thinking of something else. Whether it’s pizza, another cute guy, or a friend you haven’t called in a while, it’ll be a complete change in mental direction for you.
At first you may be tentative. Is that really it? Are you over him? Did it really happen that suddenly? Yes. Because we can only suffer for so long, friends. You can only hold your hand over a stove top for so long before the entire limb falls off.
So – what does all of this mean? It means, no matter what path you take, sooner or later you WILL be over him. This is to comfort you when all those friends you repeat your woes to day in and day out finally throw up your hands in frustration. Anyone who tells you to “just cut him off” doesn’t get it. That’s fine. That’s why they’re most likely never going to be a couples counselor.
You have a right to your pain and heartbreak. You have a right to try and get over him in any way you can (so long as he isn’t physically hurt in the process… I have to throw that in there). It’ll be rough. It’ll suck. You’ll cry a lot. You might puke, or lose twenty pounds from not eating.
Breakups are messy and they suck, it’s true. Just rest assured that, one day, whether he cuts you off, you cut him off, or you cut yourself loose from him, you will be free. You WILL move on.